Worthless Resolve

by The Speechless Radio

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1.
00:41
2.
03:25
3.
03:34
4.
03:36
5.
03:18
6.
06:41
7.
04:14
8.
05:18
9.
06:42
10.
02:41
11.
12:49

credits

released December 27, 2015

Michael Elder - vocals, guitar, bass, piano, drums, trumpet, euphonium, sousaphone, clarinet, banjo, glockenspiel, percussion, production

Sean Korpach - clarinet (Tracks 1, 6, 11)

Madie Melcer - flute (Tracks 1, 6)

Erin Yule - drum solo (Track 8)

Jordan Elder - mixing

Cover art by Melissa Lugrin

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about

The Speechless Radio Vancouver, British Columbia

The Speechless Radio is the moniker of singer/songwriter Michael Elder, from Prince George, BC. He has played music for most of his life in various bands in the Prince George area, but since moving to Vancouver, he has been working on making music on his own.

Michael Elder is constantly writing and recording new songs in his home, and plans to expand this project into a full band soon.
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Track Name: Declaration
In the heat of war
You're the tyrant who burns our homes
And I'm the anarchist
Confronting this on my own

You're too weak to fight your foes
Now I live as your scapegoat
We can't hurt anyone else
So we hurt each other

We thought we lived as one
But I have no idea anymore
It seems as adversaries
That we've been closer than before

Living with caution now
While all of my thoughts are met with fear
Every imperfection
Is met with terror since we got here

I try to help all this improve
While you're denying every move
Too afraid to fail ourselves
So we fail each other

We build and build our humble retreat
While it crumbles from beneath
Lying in ruins with expressions the same
Silently dealing the blame

So I try to fix it all
While you constantly make it fall
I can't remember when
We were so much better then

But I persevere
Through everything I fear

So we're stuck in constant war
Forgetting what we're fighting for
Too afraid to fail ourselves
So we fail each other
Track Name: Vigil
You shove this rifle in my hands
And force me to aim it at my friends
You tell me if I let you down
You'll make me fire 'til the clip runs out

You've burned down my home to make me fight
All the shit you can't sort out in your life
You're still too weak to do this yourself
And I'm too much of a coward to rebel

I bite my lips until they bleed
'Cause I'm too terrified to speak

Your friends have turn their backs on you
You're locked inside forgetting what to do
You push me out in into the fold
To fight but it it's out of my control

I wanted to help you with all of my love
But you refuse to believe I give you enough
You've taken the safety off the trigger
I wish I could stop my loved ones from getting hurt

I bite my lips until they bleed
'Cause I'm too terrified to speak

Conscripted in to all this mess
Our silent days are now our best
When you pick fights it makes this worse
When I die from this you'll bomb the hearse
Track Name: Pawn
We're still stuck in our old ways
We're miserable but we don't change
I pour all my time to help us out
I fear your loss so I stay devout

Do you hear me?
Do you hear me?

You're still denying
The feelings I felt
Now when I hold you
I never feel held
The damage's been dealt

When you're swallowed whole by all your faults
I just get spat on as a result
I'm forced to fight with blades too blunt
I'm kicked like a dog too tired to hunt

You twist my limbs until they break
I sew them back after each mistake
I tie the rope around my throat
You come and kick the chair below

Do you hear me?
Do you hear me?

You're still denying
The feelings I felt
Now when I hold you
I never feel held

It would take hours to
Explain to you
The ways that we need help

I'm tempted to forfeit
But I'm compelled
the damage's been dealt
Track Name: Numb
In an unearthly hour I'm shaken awake
But it's worse than before
You push me until I fall off my bed
Then drag me across the floor

I'm trying to breathe with my face in the dirt
But you never give me a chance
You empty a bottle of wine down my throat
And lift me up to dance

I'm reeling but still
I dance on, and on, and on

With every single step that you take
Your feet crush all my toes
We stumble and fall again and again
Until I break most of my bones

I'm shoved to the wall and the plates fall down
Spreading broken glass everywhere
I'm leaving a trail of blood from my feet
Then you push me down the stairs

You kiss me and help me rise
I dance on, and on, and on

I'm pinching myself to try to end this
I don't care if it hurts cause I just want to quit

So throw me on to this bed of nails
Too numb to complain
The ceiling is sinking closer to me
I'll be crushed in these chains

Just like every other night
I dance on, and on, and on
Track Name: Departure
What's the point of all this fear
And this screaming in my ears
It won't make all of your problems disappear

Why do you aim this gun
At my face when I've done nothing wrong
It won't change a single thing in the long run

We should stop and think
Before we sink
Lower than we already have
Let's calm down
Figure this out
It might be all we can do

I beg for your mercy
Please just let it be
We've suffered far too long
I'm struggling to stay strong

So you send me off to war
Against my will to settle all your scores
But we don't know if it's worth dying for

I question if I should go
And fight your battles away from home
Just to end up killed out there alone

I beg for your mercy
Please don't make me leave
It will only make us hurt
More than what it's worth

When the bullets pierce my skin
I'll close my eyes and I'll breathe in
I'll collapse and bleed to death while you stand tall
I know the pain will rip straight through
But it will never get to you
Let's throw our clothes towards the sky
Before you ship me out to die
Track Name: Bayonet
We tried to make it simpler
But it ended up even worse
I've given up on feigning peace
Built up rage will be my curse

The sickest thoughts that haunt me
Are becoming beautiful
I could force a knife into your back
Or put a bullet through your skull

The weapon that you gave me can pierce your heart

I'd do it in a heartbeat if I got the chance
I don't care who sees blood on my hands
You beat me down so I'm taking a stand

I'll never understand if it makes any sense
It feels like all I've got for defense
I just can't stand keeping this so tense

I'll break it out at you

I never want to hurt you
But I'm pressed by this dark choice
When you trash all my effort to help
It's not enough to raise my voice

As this manifests itself
My patience slowly dies
The abused becomes the abuser
All before your very eyes

The hurt you've put upon me will return

If I could strangle you
I would, I would
If I could puncture you
I would, I would
If I could beat you down
I would, I would
If I could choke you out
I would, I would

You will pay what you deserve
Track Name: Remorse
I've realized it isn't right
To throw the punches in the fight
I should have stopped it when I could
But it's only getting worse and worse now we're fucked for good

What have I done?
What have I done?

I tried so hard to choke you out
But really I deserve it now
I tried to drive a blade through you
So I point it at myself and now I don't know what to do

I have become
The terror I've been running from
Oh god
I'm done
Track Name: Inferno
Ever since we moved in here
It's been a never-ending fight
It was supposed to make it balance
But we can't get it right

And now you make me want to hurt
And you make me want to kill
While you're hiding in the bathroom
Trying to swallow all those pills

Let's not kid ourselves that we can make it like before
There's no point in dragging this out anymore

Cause you're feed, feeding, feeding
The fire that burns you down

It's not fair that you can throw this on me
And expect that I can fix it all
I should have known better
Than to answer to your call

I'm tired of this useless cycle
Of you pushing me off this cliff/edge
Just find you at the bottom
Catching me and starting again

We're sleeping in the same bed
But we're feeling miles apart
It seemed so simple on paper
But it ended up so hard

I hate this rifle in my arms
And this helmet strapped across my chin
This never was the life
I choose to live in

So I'll throw down this weapon you forced on me
To abandon your issues and go free

Cause you're feed, feeding, feeding
The fire that burns you down

So I will leave this fight
Regardless who won or lost
The facts have settled in
The hope just isn't worth the cost
Track Name: Regards
Finally we've split
It's for our benefit
Being forced into these roles
Has taken its toll

If I had known at the start
We were cursed to someday fall apart
I could never truly choose
If our love was worth the abuse

In hindsight it's so obscure
We're the shell of what we were
The bridge of our return
Lays in ruins, scattered and burned

If I had known that our minds
Were synchronized to misalign
I'm unsure if I would pine
To take back all the time

So I must confess
Let's put it down to rest
We've reached the conclusion of
This worthless resolve that was our love
Track Name: Mural
It's been 5 weeks since we called it off
It never seems quite real
I've never known any different
I don't know what to feel
But I get the sense it's for the greater good

After 5 months it all makes sense
So many things went wrong
We failed to find that we both failed
We put it off too long
And we both knew but we could never bring it up

Now it's 5 years later and we've both moved on
A total falling out
After we put each other through such hell
We're living better now
I would not have it any other way

50 years have come and gone
Now a mural commemorates
The war we forced each other through
Just to reach a stalemate
In the end we both took so much hurt

A century has passed since us
And nobody can recognize
Anything that marks our strife
It's all been vandalized
Just as though it never happened at all


We thought we were the special ones
We thought the endless search was done
In time we proved each other wrong
Our fall had drawn out far too long

'Cause every fight
Put the end in sight
With every flag at half mast
It's all too plain to see
Our time has passed

I'll never know why we trade such hurt
Lost tempers, neglect, and threatening words
I could have died in seconds from your bullet
But I slowly bled from the bayonet


Took so long to speak of breaking
While it lingered on our minds
Our thoughts were lost trying to find an answer
With words we couldn't find

I still can't comprehend
Why it took so long to end

I watched all of it slip right
From my hands and out of sight
Remaining hope was drained with every fight

So many times things went to shit
We said it would be the last
Picked ourselves up claiming to be fine
Forgetting hope had surely passed

I still find it strange
We couldn't figure how to change

It's hard to justify
The things we did, the things we tried
It's best call it quits for you and I


It's still confusing to tell
If this never happened would we be as well?
It's always been hard to articulate
The feelings I hold of our fate

I remember when we lost touch
On all of those nights that we drank too much
We woke up together sick and hoarse
Hungover with all the remorse

I see with better eyes
That you're now some person I don't recognize
Our wine has turned into vinegar
Let's break every bottle of hurt

The lessons I've managed to save
They'll stay with me all the way to the grave
I'm cursed with the memory of our regrets
Still haunted while you forget


Scarred by the faults
That caused us to die
It's the mark that I wear
And I wear it with pride